A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.
They were ready to discuss the last one.
The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.
Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted,
"Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."

One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour.
The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle.
Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out.
Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation,
"Pray for me! Pray for me!"

A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service,
"And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them.
Then something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely.
It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages.
"Mama, look what I found," the boy called out.
"What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked.
With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It is Adam's suit".

Four Worms In Church
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results-
The first worm in alcohol...Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke...Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup...Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil...Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?" Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said- "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you will not have worms!" That pretty much ended the service!

One particular four-year old prayed, "and forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd.
While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle.
As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.
When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

Six-year old Angie , and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church.
Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough.
"You are not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who is going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door?
They are hushers."

Sister Mary Ann's Gasoline
Sister Mary Ann, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a Texaco Gasoline station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since Sister Mary Ann was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, Sister Mary Ann carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two Baptists women watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, 'If it starts, I am turning Catholic.'

Good Samaritan
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence. "I think I would throw up."

Did Noah Fish?
A Sunday school teacher asked, "Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?" "No," replied Johnny. "How could he, with just two worms."

Unanswered Prayer?
The preacher's five year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I am asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."
"How come He does not answer it?" she asked.

Being Thankful
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That's very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he is in bed!"

Explanation of God
This was written by an 8-year-old boy who lived in California. He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment- to explain God.
One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He does not make grown ups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way He does not have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.
God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God does not have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because He hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in His ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.
God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you should not go wasting His time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you could not have.
Atheists are people who do not believe in God. I do not think there are any in my town. At least there are not any who come to our church.
Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who did not want to learn about God. They finally got tired of Him preaching to them and they crucified Him. But He was good and kind, like His father, and He told His father that they did not know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.
His dad (God) appreciated everything that He had done and all His hard work on earth so He told Him He did not have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in Heaven. So He did. And now He helps His dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things that are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God- like a secretary, only more important.
You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.
You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there is anybody you want to make happy, it is God! Do not skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun does not come out at the beach until noon anyway.
If you do not believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents cannot go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He is around you when you are scared, in the dark or when you cannot swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.
And...that is why I believe in God.

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since March 31, 2010